Tough love…A Note from Chaya

My Love Letter to You:

Thirteen years ago, I was at the “top” of my career, and tough love was the furthest thing from my mind.  

I was making more money in a month than I had previously made in an entire year, I was helping other people to create success, and I was traveling the world in picturesque style.  I had a big house, gorgeous wardrobe, and flashy jewelry that puffed up my ego and inflated reality.  But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to keep it all together and feel happy.  I was always chasing something and living in fear that it would all slip away. 

And then I went through a five-year phase where I lost or threw away every single thing I had built.

I couldn’t see it at the time, but the forces of the Universe were hard at work beneath the surface creating the life I so badly wanted.  I didn’t yet have the self-awareness and insight to understand that the deep yearnings of my soul were sending out a very clear message like a honing device, but my life had to completely explode in chaos before it could reorganize itself at a higher level.

After the explosion…

After the explosion, I spent a good 3- 4 more years in hibernation.  I’d disconnected myself from everyone in my past, unplugged from social media, and went into an intense cocoon.  During that time, I went through a complete metamorphosis of body, mind, and soul.  I literally threw out every piece of my old self and started again from scratch.  I walked away from the deeply ingrained spiritual beliefs of my childhood, threw away my career, got remarried, changed my name, became a homeschooling mom, and revolutionized my approach to health and wellness.

People watching from the outside couldn’t decide if I was going through an early mid-life crisis or had just totally lost my mind.  And the truth is, I wasn’t sure either. But in retrospect, it’s become very clear to me now. Honestly, I hated that old girl – that old version of me.  I was mad at her, ashamed of her, shocked by her, and hurt by her. I tried to bury her in a never-ending cycle of self-loathing and self-soothing.

Only after years of really hard inner work , and tough love, was I able to realize how whole and good and vulnerable she was, even in spite of her mistakes, weaknesses, and strong game face. But it took this crazy, turn-my-world-on-its-head journey for me to understand how to allow the healing and integration so that I could lift all the lessons, keep the essence, and integrate the parts I wanted into a brand-new human I was proud to live with.

Rebuilding in new surroundings…

I welcomed the chance to move to the other side of the world, because it allowed me the window to rebuild myself with no one watching.  More than once, I thought I was ready to re-emerge, but quickly ran back to the safe zone.  I knew what I wanted, but I wasn’t quite there yet.  And quite honestly, I had completely lost faith and confidence in myself.  It had become way too easy to buy into the lie that I was simply meant to play small.

For more years than I care to admit, I agreed to projects and roles when I was needed, but I stopped letting myself chase my dreams.  In fact, I started to doubt whether I would ever create my dreams at all.

But little by little, the light began to shine again.

And apparently my soul was never going to be content hiding under a rock.  As I found myself being pulled into different roles and responsibilities where I was asked to teach other people how to succeed, it became self-evident that I couldn’t teach them one set of principles while living another. Slowly, slowly…momma got her groove back.

In 2018, I turned 40, and I spent the whole year beating myself up for wasting an entire decade of my life.  Then, on the verge of my 41st birthday, the lightbulb finally went off in my soul.

All those years weren’t wasted at all.

In place of shallow, superficial professional accolades were years of sweat and tears that I had shed as I wrestled with myself to let go of all the pain, hurt, and old limiting belief systems.  I had faced my demons – and won.  I had come out on the other side wiser and stronger with a new understanding of what I could actually handle, but softer with compassion and grace for other people that I’d never had before.

So exactly ten years after my grand exit, I decided it was time to come back…because I finally have something to say.

I’ve spent the past ten years developing the strength to face all my fears, hunting down my weaknesses, and then excavating them and relentlessly waging war on them until I could live with my own self.  Failing more times than I can count, but refusing to give up on myself.  Not because I’m a heartless perfectionist machine, but because I finally learned how to use tough love on myself.

Here is what I have come to understand over the past few years through this process:

Human beings have an infinite capacity for growth.

And as all of these life lessons began to take root in my soul, I have become 10x more powerful than I ever was before.  My dreams are bigger, my vision is crystal clear, my priorities are locked in, my soul is smiling, and I am on fire with a passion to help YOU discover and harness your own inner SuperHuman.

This isn’t just about motivation, inspiration, and self-love.

To become the person you were born to be requires skillsbeliefs, and awareness.  To step into your greatness, it’s very likely that you will need to develop skills you don’t yet have, identify and transform some deep-rooted limiting beliefs, and build an awareness of the true you in relation to the world around you.

So now that I’ve borne my soul to you, dear friend, I want to ask you:

What potential do you really have?

Do you even know what you’re truly capable of?

What would it look like to actually step into your ultimate potential?

Does it scare you silly?  That’s normal!

You see, this might come as a shock to you, but

We ALL have the capability of becoming SuperHuman.

We might not be the star athlete, the celebrity performer, or the Nobel prize winner.

But we are all limitless in our capacity to:

  • learn new skills
  • completely transform our belief systems
  • revolutionize our physique and our personality
  • rise above our fears
  • heal most of our own illnesses and chronic ailments
  • push past the status quo


Now, check yourself.  Did you just shut down at that statement?


That would be your belief systems showing up to keep you stuck.


So, ask yourself.  Do you want any part of your life to be different?

If so, then what are you waiting for?

I can’t promise you that it will be easy, but I can promise you that it will be worth it.

Not every day on the journey will be fun; some may be filled with a lot of tough love. But even the ugly days can be fulfilling, because you’ll know that you are on a path to creating a life of complete purpose, passion, joy, and excellence.
There’s one last thing I want to share with you by way of a story.

A few weeks ago, I was watching a very well-known guy do some live coaching via social media.  A woman said to him, “I’ve got big professional goals, but my kids are home from school now. And I’m not really sure how to manage my time to get everything done.  Do you have any advice?”

He answered as follows: “Look, I’m a single guy with no kids, and I always say that every kid is like having three jobs.  So, I can’t really tell you how to manage your time. But I can tell you that you’ve got to find a way to do it…otherwise, you’ll have nothing to show for yourself after the time passes.”

(No joke, that was his exact response.  Y’all, I couldn’t make up that answer if I tried!)

But, why am I sharing this?

The moral of the story is that no dude on the planet, regardless of how great, successful, or loving they are, can teach us how to BE us.  Yes, they can give us great tips and ideas, but at the end of the day, we all need someone who has walked in our shoes to really help us make the leap from where we are to where we want to be. Your own tough love can unlock so much. 

My hope and prayer is that all my years of trial and error, experimentation, failing forward, and refusing to quit until I had discovered a combination formula that I know can work for anyone, will give you hope.  I hope that you will feel safe here to roll up your own sleeves and commit to wrestle it out with yourself, knowing that it would be my honor to be your power partner along the way!

With all my love – tough love – real love,

Chaya Ben-Shabat
Chaya is a mom, entrepreneur, success coach, athlete, student, dreamer, and world traveler.   She is also the founder and CEO of an up-and-coming international school system, designed to revolutionize global education.  She works with highly determined women to help them bust through their obstacles, discover and channel their inner superpowers, and master the tools and skills necessary to design and create the life of their dreams.

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