Note to Self…

We have designated Wednesday as outside expert day in our #90dayblitz. However, today I do not feel like listening to an outside expert. Instead, I feel the deep need for an inside expert. I’m asking my wiser, inner voice to remind me that I’m on the right path, because the girl I’m seeing in the mirror isn’t so confident. So, here we go:

My Dearest Chaya,

It appears that today you could use some gentle reminders… Reminders that you are on the right path. Please allow me to remind you why it is that you do exactly what you do:

• Last night at 7:30 PM, you had a half hour wrestling and tickling match with your son. You hate wrestling and tickling. However, you know that it is your son’s love language, and you purposefully chose to invest your time in connecting with him in the way he needs the most.
• When he asked you to come back and tuck him in three more times at 8 PM, you chose to do and bit your tongue instead of lecturing him about bedtime. Why? Because you know the day will soon come when he will not be in that bed anymore, and you will be longing for the days to give him one last hug and kiss every night.
• At 8:30 PM, you really wanted to scroll through Facebook some more. However you turned off your phone and plugged it in to the wall in order to minimize the blue light effects on your brain a half hour before bed.
• At 9 PM, you really wanted to binge on wine and Netflix. You were thankful that you canceled Netflix years ago, otherwise you might have given into the moment of weakness. Instead, you climbed in bed amidst all of the swirling deadlines and unfinished tasks for the day. Why? Because you know that your ability to expertly execute tomorrow is directly correlated with your ability to get in bed on time today.
• At 4 AM, you got out of bed only because the alarm was blaring from the other side of the room, safely plugged into the wall and out of reach to hit the snooze button. You spent the next hour connecting to your Creator, who gave you life, and continues to give you life every day. You have much to be grateful for!
• At 5:30 AM, you got on the treadmill and invested the next hour in your ESPM Power Hour. At 6:30 AM, you ran to the shower and quickly got dressed, so that you could be present in order to wake up your son and spend time with him before school.
• At 8 AM, you drove out of your driveway with a car full of kids for a half hour commute to school, if traffic is nice to you today. You put an inspiring kids movie in the DVD player, in order to keep all of them happy for the long drive. In order to fill your own soul, you put in your headphones, and listened to a parent training class online.
• For the next eight hours, you worked from your school office that still annoys you with its bare naked walls, fully dressed with your shoes on, instead of working from home in your pajamas and bare feet like you prefer to do. Why? Because you believe in the mission, and you know that it is too fragile to delegate to someone else yet.
• You sat through budget meetings and executive meetings, curriculum planning, and teacher hunting. You listened to financial advisors suggesting that you shut the whole thing down and investors tell you that you are crazy. You have given every last penny in your name to this mission, and even taken loans beyond what you do have. Why? Because you refuse to settle for life as it is. You were never able to understand the phrase “give till it hurts” until now. Some call you foolish, many call you crazy, and everyone calls it illogical. Perhaps they are right. But this is not a matter of right versus wrong, nor is it a matter of logic. This is a matter of your soul calling. Your soul was called to wage war on mediocrity, and you are doing it with every cell of your being. What you are doing would exhaust some people, but God gives each of us exactly the tools that we need to accomplish the missions that He has given us. What tires others will fuel you, simply because you are tapping into soul energy. Soul energy defies logic… It defies human nature. Why? Because it transcends human nature.
• At 4:45 PM, you walked in the back door at home after your second round of carpool. You paused for a moment to negotiate with your body and mind from a deep soul place to check yourself and make sure that you are now operating as the mother that your son needs after school. Because the driven and highly charged executive that you were all day does not have time for an 11-year-old boy.
• You drank the same green smoothie filled with 4 cups of kale and spinach that you’ve been drinking every day for the past several years. Why? Because it balances your energy, curbs your cravings, and gives you the fuel you need for your third shift of the day. You know good and well, that if you do not take the 5 minutes to make this smoothie, you will instead spend the next hour shoveling anything you can find into your mouth. And you will hate yourself immediately afterward.
• At 5 PM, you sat down to play a board game with your husband and son. You really wanted to spend the hour giving your husband a rundown of everything that happened during the day. However you checked yourself, because you know this is not what needs to occupy your son’s subconscious mind.
• At 6 PM, you handed your son off to your husband and quickly changed clothes and ran to the gym for your weight workout. You went even though you dreaded it. The dread never left you for the entire hour. Even though most of the time it goes away… Today it was stubborn. But you were more stubborn. And the sense of accomplishment that you felt at the end of that hour reminded you that you are on the right path.
• Today, in and of itself, held nothing remarkable. But it held everything life-changing wrapped up in the details. Because today was built on your integrity. No one is choosing the schedule for you. You are choosing it for yourself. No one asked you to do it. And almost no one even knows that you are doing it. You know that you do not have to do this forever, but you are choosing to do it today. Why? Because you know that the reality of your dreams is waiting on the other side of your courage and discipline. Do not expect or rely on other people to understand your mission. That is why it is your mission and not theirs.

Today you do not need to be a personal development junkie. You already know what to do. Quit giving in to small-minded excuses. You have all of the power that you need. It’s the seasons like this that reveal the character that you’ve been working so hard to build. Don’t be a whiner or a quitter… You hate whiners and quitters. Be a dreamer and a doer. Both are critical for your success.

And one last thing. Remember that there is one fatally toxic blow that you are susceptible to: negative stress. If you choose to execute this type of a day with negative stress swirling all around you, it will literally kill you and everyone around you, and your entire mission will be worthless. Choose to do it with a happy heart. Choosing joy requires no more energy. Not only does it make you look and feel younger, it actually extends your lifespan. If you forget to have fun along the way, you’ve lost sight of your center.

Do you really want this life you say you want? If so, this is the price tag. It would be much easier to live life as a consumer, only focused on yourself. But that is not your calling, and therefore you would never feel fulfilled. Remember, you were once in that place. You were not happy there, which is what drove you to where you are now. Champions are not made on the sidelines of life. And you, my dear, were born to be a champion.

Love, your inner self

(And for anyone else who may be reading this, I hope you can find something uplifting and encouraging for your own soul in these words as well!)